Light soon, but first Tears.

I start my day at 6:40 AM, I’ve barely slept. It’s probably the most upsetting day of my life. I remember being this upset when my dad died but this situation is different; people are supposed to die. Trump was elected willingly.

My body feels heavy and my heart has sunk. I just can’t find the light easily. People keep telling me, “dude, you are all about love and people need your light more than ever.” This is true. The world is calling on all of us to step up our connection to light.

Here in Miami I went to a great class with a member of our Blissology family. I felt stiff and it was hard to move, even though the class was awesome.

What I realized is that I just can’t rush back to “happy, happy” and “all is positive” thinking without going through my process.

Someone tells me after class that they were going to post: “good mourning” as their  Facebook status. But she didn’t because she didn’t feel like they should be in mourning as a light-worker.

“No,” I said, “ We have got to grieve. Painting on a happy face is not the solution.”

I told her about an expression my Body Mind Psychotherapy teacher has called “emotional constipation.” The last thing we need to do is to stuff our emotions down.  The analogy of trying to force a beach ball under the water is apt here.  This will only result in it popping up again with greater velocity. I can’t just flip a switch.  There is a lot to mourn at the moment.

What specifically? Well, I am currently in Florida (a state that Trump won by 1% of the vote) setting up next year’s EcoKarma event that will help transplant coral on the rapidly dying reefs here.

It feels so futile to do this work when we know that we have anything but a proactive climate-change supporter in the White House.

Long before Trump was ever President-elect, when he was a reality TV icon, I cited him as representing the opposite of the yogic values of love, kindness and compassion.

The purpose of yoga to me is best expressed in a quote attributed to Albert Einstein:

“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us “universe,” a part limited in time and space.
He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

This delusion is a kind of prison us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and whole of nature in its beauty.”

This election is a movement away from a widening circle and back to the smaller circle… one that comes with a wall.

After class on my way home, my little son, Ananda grabs my hand and he walks me through the warm Florida morning sun to a bridge overlooking an inlet.

“Let’s find some fish, Dada!” He urges enthusiastically as he tugs on my hand towards the rocks under the bridge.

It’s full of fish when we take the time to look.  There are mussels, parrotfish, urchins and he even points out a flounder fish to me that perfectly blends in to the rocks.

His joy is heartening.  We shift our focus to the plastic bags and beer cans under the bridge. We spend ten minutes collecting them and I vow to make cleaning the plastic up from Miami waterways part of next year’s EcoKarma event.

I walk back to our friend’s apartment holding his hand. I realize the value in the sphere of influence we do have; our friends and family.

I am giving a class called “Chakra and Cello Chill” tonight in Miami.  Even though my stores of positivity seem low, it’s ok. This is where I am at now.  I am not rushing my way out of it or pushing things away.

All I can do is share my healing process.  I am clear about the three things I need most right now.

One, is that I need to shed tears. This is essential to unblock the knots that I feel.  Tears are what I need. They just haven’t come out yet and I know I need this.

Secondly, we all need to create a space of retreat. To pull in.  We need to be ok in our small circle as the first step.  We need spaces to release.  We need to feel we are not alone and take solace in being parts of a tribe that understands us.

Lastly, we need to realize that being a light worker is ideally a feeling of lightness. Right now it’s a feeling of heavy. We need to trust in the heaviness and know that it is the journey down that brings us back up eventually. We will rebound

Good luck, Everyone. We will heal. Just don’t rush the process.

We will build a kinder world. Light soon, but first tears.